We begin measuring growth in life milestones as soon as someone is born, documenting everything from first steps to first teeth. We celebrate these developmental landmarks because they are signs that the baby is in good physical health. When something doesn’t align with an expected developmental timeline, our society encourages parents and health professionals to consider the potential physical, environmental, neurological, and/or psychological factors that may be influencing the child’s growth and learning. Though part of me fears that this could change one day given certain concerning social trends, it is as of right now quite socially unacceptable to instead blame the baby for their perceived “shortcomings.” However, all of this changes as soon as we are old enough to go to school. Suddenly, a child who can’t read by a certain age “needs to try harder” and a child who can’t ride a bike by a certain age is “lazy” or “stubborn”. Though there are many reasons for this, I believe that one of the big ones is that we are being conditioned to be productive under capitalism from a very young age, and therefore, the mindsets found in a competition-based economic system will begin to appear as mainstream social narratives and find their way into families, social groups, and classrooms. I’m very lucky to have gone to a school where these messages where not as present and now to work at a school that goes above and beyond to support neurodivergent students, but sadly this is not the case everywhere. I frequently come across people in life who say things like, “some kids these days can’t even ride a bicycle” or make judgmental remarks about people who rely on google maps to find their way around because it wasn’t a resource that was previously available and points to a dependence on technology. This may be a controversial opinion, but I think it’s important to remember that before these technologies were invented, many people like myself didn’t “just adapt,” but instead were socially isolated and excluded. For this reason, we must begin to understand that not all dependence on technology is inherently bad. While I was fortunate enough to become an adult in the age of iphones and can easily access walking directions whenever I need them, I can’t imagine what my life would have looked like without that tool available to me.
Because we are training children and young adults to exist under a system that does not allow everyone to survive, social incentives have been developed to prevent deviation from a standard timeline of milestones. I’ve learned from my own work that sometimes the kids who are considerably behind according to a standard model of skill acquisition are incredibly brave, resourceful, and resilient children with wonderful personalities. And yet, often these amazing qualities are greatly undervalued in a society that encourages productivity above all else. People are punished for failing to live up to social expectations in ways that many neurotypical and able-bodied people likely don’t always notice. Rules about “loitering” (which is usually just criminalized waiting that is either perfectly fine or a huge problem depending on what kinds of prejudice and bigotry are applied to the person in question) make it difficult for some people who can’t drive to even sit and wait for an uber. Getting a decently paying job without a college degree is nearly impossible in many cases, particularly because so-called “unskilled” labor often requires a number of very specific and advanced skills that might be all but impossible for those with learning disabilities. I am incredibly lucky to have been able to go to college, get a job in education, and attend graduate school because all of these endeavors may very well be more attainable to me than figuring out how to use a cash register. A college degree, however, often requires a good standardized test score, despite the fact that standardized tests are heavily biased in favor of one kind of brain (I snuck my way in with less-than-great scores because I was a violin performance major, but I’m not sure that learning to play the violin and then majoring in performance is a universally realistic alternative…). My point is, however, that these are all examples of the structural barriers in place that make life harder for those who haven’t followed a socially “ideal” life timeline.
Along with the structural barriers presented to those existing on any kind of “alternate” life timeline, social prejudices and assumptions can lead to isolation and mistreatment for disabled and neurodivergent people. As we know, the social and the structural are closely intertwined and mutually influential (I probably say this in over half of the work that I put out but I’m going to keep saying it nevertheless). For example, the systemic dismantling of public transportation within and between US cities is a product of ableism and classism because getting from one place to another has become a luxury only afforded to those who can drive and own a car. If the most privileged people in the country relied exclusively on public transit, I am certain that things would look very different in many places. I was recently talking to someone who doesn’t primarily rely on public transportation but still wanted to tell me that “our busses work fine! They’ll always come, you just sometimes have to wait a while!” But what if I wanted to go somewhere at nighttime? Is “just waiting awhile” a realistic option then? Would the people in power who are currently destroying our public transportation systems and insisting that they’re fine be willing to use exclusively busses to get around? Would they feel that their young adult children could be perfectly safe and fine living without a car in the current transportation situation? These are the questions that many people don’t want to ask themselves- and as a result, we have a society that only fully works for those who have acquired very specific skills on a linear and fast-paced developmental timeline. While I recognize this is not necessarily intended to target people who can’t drive, the priorities of local governments when it comes to transportation are often telling. For example, some cities are willing to put significant finding into continually embellishing and expanding bike lanes but won’t channel that same energy into improving the effectiveness of public transit, a service that could be used at all times of the year and is accessible to a wider range of age and ability demographics. So why is it that the people in power are okay with having a transportation system that doesn’t work for those who need it most?
I believe that one of the reasons for this is that as a collective, we have come to internalize the idea that attaining the status markers that are most highly valued in our culture is the entry ticket to being part of society. We can see this in narratives suggesting that people who can’t afford their basic needs should “just get a job” and in the social acceptability of parents shaming their high-school age children for not having a drivers’ license because minors who ask their parents to help them with transportation while still living under their roof are viewed as a “burden.” The further someone gets from age 16, however, the more difficult it becomes to get a drivers license. Without the added accountability of parents, some instructors feel emboldened to make questionable comments to adult students, thus deterring us from seeking out further instruction. Adults with learners permits have to renew them every two months and pass a multiple-choice exam EACH TIME the permit is renewed. Some driving schools won’t even accept adult students or mysteriously stop responding to messages if you disclose a learning disability. Some driving schools are not open on weekends, meaning that getting lessons is more difficult with a 9-5 job. Others will tell you that a “more through evaluation” is required before you can begin lessons, but they won’t be able to provide that for three months. Getting a drivers license is viewed, not only as a social rite of passage into adulthood, but as a test of capability needed to access much of this society. Not driving also means disclosing my learning disability (or at least my lack of drivers license) during first dates, hair appointments, job interviews, or any other setting where I might be asked about where I parked. My application to graduate school even asked for my drivers license number and, though I understand this was mainly for identification purposes, this meant disclosing to a perspective college that I had no license before even getting accepted.
In my opinion, the “life timeline” serves very little purpose in adulthood except to promote conformity and maintain a system built on power structures and hierarchies. When asked what a viable alternative would be, I would propose re-building a society that centers interdependence, mutual support, and community. That being said, I am very skeptical that this could co-exist with our current economic structure, and I recognize that considering more practical approaches is necessary for the time being. However, awareness is the first step to change, and I believe that understanding that the singular life timeline is a mechanism of social control can help to change our collective value system. Thanks for reading as always:)
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